For the second time this week, I went to bed with a heart so heavy it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. For the second time this week, I woke up and turned on the TV and a deep ache settled into the pit of my stomach as I watched coverage of Texas. I have seen images and heard voices shrill with fear that I never want to see again. I bet you have too.
I am holding tight to the promise that God redeems all evils for good. I may never understand what that "good" is in this life, but someday, in heaven, we will understand all. Not having all the answers and full understanding of why such horrible things happen can shake many people's faith. It can sometimes really shake mine.
Just like sometimes, having faith in one's marriage is a daily choice, so is having faith in God's goodness. In times like this, I get up every day and choose to trust God. I have to. I have to believe that He can redeem what some meant for evil for good. I have to believe that His ways are better than mine. I have to believe that His understanding is clearer than mine.
God is good, He is constant and He hasn't left us, even when it feels like it, and oh, how it feels like it, sometimes.
I've been meaning to share the online feed of the current series on Doubt that our church is in the midst of. When Pastor Craig started this series, I'm sure he couldn't have dreamed that halfway through, we would all be plunged into mourning for our brothers and sisters in Boston and now Texas. Craig couldn't have known that some of us would see the destruction and pain and cry out, asking God where the heck he was during the explosions and fire of this week. But God knew, and for that, I am so thankful for this series on doubt right now.
Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt
I Doubt All This is True