Ministry in Marriage: When your Calling isn't the Same as Your Spouse

Before Aaron and I got married, I could not wait for us to serve in the church together.

I had seen so many examples of wonderful Christian couples who did ministry together as husband and wife. They were counsellors, missionaries, pastors and their wives ministering to their flock as a united team.

There were couples working together in small groups, children and youth ministries or church planting. In big ways and small, couples were serving and blessing the church together.

I looked at those examples and just assumed that would be us. I figured that once we became one flesh as husband and wife, my ministry desires would become his, his ministry desires would become mine and we would be a Ministry Super Team, joyfully doing God's work together.


I also assumed the ministry we would take on would be in youth or college - places I felt most called (you see where this is going, don't you?).

How could you look at us and not think "Super Team"?? I know. Pretty easily.

While my husband was willing to serve wherever I wanted to serve, he never felt  particularly passionate about where we were serving. It actually kind of really bothered me. I thought we would have the same passions when it came to serving in the church.

I had built up this ideal of serving as a couple. I thought however we served, it would be huge and amazing. We would be serving God passionately together, like only Ministry Super Teams could.

Except Aaron never had big, huge, ministry passions. He served out of a desire to be obedient to God. While God hadn't placed a particular ministry area on Aaron's heart, He had given him a desire to serve wherever he was needed, with a joyful heart. I wanted my husband to serve with me, and my husband wanted to serve where he was needed.

Looking back, I realize my expectations were not only stupid unrealistic, they weren't exactly demonstrating a real desire to serve, either.  (doh!)

The church spends so much time talking about "calling" and "giftedness". Some people are teachers, counsellors, pastors. They work with adults, women, kids, homeless.  Some people are called to serve in specific ways, but all of us, regardless of gifting, are called to be servants. 

Romans 12:10-13 ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³ Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Romans 12 (and especially verses 10-13), really describes my husband's heart. From the moment he gave his life to Christ, he has demonstrated what it means to be a living sacrifice to God and to others.

While I thought we needed to be called to one particular ministry, Aaron knew that as a believer we are all called to serve. He had a heart and passion for service in general, even while he wasn't exactly as excited about leading junior high bible studies as I was.

For a season early on in our marriage Aaron made it possible for me to go on countless youth group trips while he cared for our babies at home. Right now I am called to support him while he takes on the responsibilities that come with being an elder in our church.

I have learned that rather than trying to force serving together in one ministry, that because we are members of the same body of Christ and as husband and wife, regardless of what our ministry interests are, we are serving together. There is unity in the body when we serve, even though we do so in different ways.

As husband and wife we support each other in ways only spouses can, making sure that we are both available to do what God is calling us to do in ministry.

PS Aaron helped me write this. See? TEAMWORK!
PPS He says "Go Ministry Super Team!" Not at all ironically.
PPPS He wanted me to take out the part about how awesome he was, "Because it isn't true." But I left it, because obviously it is true.
PPPPS This post was a test to see if I know how to spell marriage. I didn't (marraige) before. Now I do. "I" before "A", Claire,"I" before "A".