Comparison is the Death of Contentment

Why is it so hard to be content? It's a simple concept, really. Be happy with what you have. Yet I frequently find myself playing a game of comparison where the only loser is me and everyone else has seemingly won. With all the talk of the "1%" it's hard not to dwell on what we don't have and feel justified in it. The line between "needs" and "wants" has been painfully blurred. Turn on the news and you will see a host of people telling us how angry we should be about what we don't have.

I have fallen for it lock, stock and barrel.

There is really no way for me to write about contentment without sounding like an envious, thankless fool, which frankly, at times I am. I have a nice house, a car that runs, a great husband and kids, plenty of food and water, plenty of stuff. I know plenty of people who face real challenges with more faith and thankfulness than I do on a daily basis.

My priorities have needed some realigning. I've known it for awhile and have been trying to adjust my heart, but this week the lesson finally seemed to resonate. I hope it sticks this time (but please don't judge me too harshly if it doesn’t).

The big take away from church for me Sunday wasn't the sermon (sorry, Jasen. It was awesome though!!) but the memory verse in primary church.

...for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. Phil 4:11b

In fact all of Philippians 4 is a beautiful reminder of God's provision and encouragement to be content in all situations. I realize the absurdity of any discontent I may feel, trust me. I'd venture to guess that I am not alone, though. Contentment can be elusive, even when we have much to be content about. Sometimes especially when we have much to be content about.

God is good. He provides in abundance. We can be content in all circumstances, even when the world tells us we shouldn't be.

Small Things on a Friday

We are so apt to pay attention to the big things in our lives, aren't we? Weddings, births, vacations, emergencies, parties, milestones. Big things. Often we forget about the little things that keep us going day to day. Morning routines, daily habits, workplace friends, conversations with our family. Life can feel monotonous at times, but when those little daily happenings don't happen anymore we notice them. It should serve as a reminder that those small things, really aren't small after all. When Tyler was a baby I used to look at him laid out on a blanket on the floor and will him to do something. Roll over, sit up, crawl, talk. Of course, the next thought was Don't grow up! A losing battle, obviously.

This week's moments included watching my son record his Fresno adventures in his Book of Friends. This kid has a whole journal devoted to his friends. He writes up a description of each one and asks me to take pictures of them when we are together so he can paste them up in his book. This morning he worked hard on his book, coloring and stapling and writing. He included the friends he made at Dinkey Creek and all his VBS buddies from this last week.

As a kid I moved around a ton. By fourth grade I had lived in three states and attended four schools and by the end of high school I had gone to three more schools. These aren’t the best circumstances for lifelong friendships, though I do have a couple friends from junior high still. My kids will have the opportunity to grow up with friends they have had since infancy, which is something I have always wanted. It's small, while really not being small at all.

In 1993 my parents moved us back to Sacramento, which is where they both grew up. Gunther's has been a part of my memory since I was a little girl. One of my earliest memories is of going with my Grandpa to pick up my uncle who worked at Gunther's. I remember the wooden booths and clown cones and the thrill of still being in the ice cream shop after it closed while my uncle swept up. The best thing about Gunther's is that it never changed. It's still the same ice cream shop that my uncle worked at as a teenager, that I went to as a kid, that my grandmother went to as a college student. I love being able to give these little memories to my kids.

While our lives have lots of big, memorable moments, those small moments are what hold us together. Our kids sweetly helping each other with homework, Friday afternoon trips to get ice cream, long summer days at the pool, trips to the fair, laughing about classic tv together, road trips with endless games of "I Spy", morning snuggles before the day starts...the list is endless. The beauty of camera phones is the ability to capture really teeny tiny moments, some of which are so fleeting I miss them completely. The big moments are really just occasional exclamation points in the stories of our lives. The small ones are what make the story real.

This is what amazing looks like

 

Kelly is 6 weeks (ish) into her first round of chemo and looks amazing. Don't ask her how she feels, but she LOOKS great. She laughs at me every time I tell her that, but it's the truth. It's been nice getting to help take care of her and the kids while Eric is at work. Charlotte and I drop the two older kids off at school and then head over to Kelly's to hang out until Lily gets out of kindergarten a couple days a week. Some days we are quiet (as quiet as a 1, 3 and 4 year old can be) and tippytoe around so as not to disturb the patient and others we chat and giggle and talk all morning long. 

I think the hardest thing for Kel has been the restrictiveness of being sick. Kelly is always ready for a party and fun, impromptu Popsicles on the front lawn and allllllllll day trips to Six Flags with five kids. We go to Funderland and Fairytale Town and the zoo together. We take them to the lake and out to ice cream. Kelly is the official driver of the Fun Bus (ok, there is no official Fun Bus, but if there was, she'd be driving.) When you are on chemo the fun is greatly reduced, but we have still been finding ways to have fun. 

Target is especially fun now, and Chipotle and Home Goods.  I think I'm Kelly's enabler since her husband is always telling her that she shouldn't be out much (and she shouldn't) but we seem to have established weekly outings. Twice I have taken her on "quick" trips to Target that may or may not have lasted two hours each. Once we went out to dinner with friends and to Home Goods and shut the place down. But I wasn't driving that time, so I'll say that wasn't my fault.

 And last weekend we had a girl movie night (Troop Beverly Hills) and I might have stayed over talking till midnight. It might be tiring, but I think it's good for the soul, hers and mine, to have a tiny slice of the normal fun we used to have back. For now I'll happily drive the Fun Bus, just until she can take it over again.