Let It Be

The tears came in an unusual place for most moms, but maybe not so unusual for our family. It wasn't an apprehensive kindergartner or the veteran 4th grader, but the shy 3rd grader. She played it so cool this morning. Nonchalantly shrugging when I asked if she was nervous. Smiling like an old pro when the kindergartner confessed she was nervous.

When it came down to the moment, though, the nervous kindergartner dropped my hand, turned for a kiss at her classroom door, and bolted into the room without looking back. 3rd grader and I both laughed at her sudden change of heart and slowly walked over to the 3rd grade classroom.

I asked if she wanted me to leave.

Vigorous headshake. "No."

"Do you want to put your stuff down and look for some friends?"

Even more vigorous head shake and wide eyes. "No!" She clutched her lunch pail tightly and moved closer to me, watching the kids come and put their backpacks down and run off with their friends.

"Are you sure?" She looked up at me pleadingly as if to say, Stop asking, Mom! and my stomach clenched as tightly as her little hand gripped her lunch.

Her teacher opened the classroom door and invited the kids to line up in their spot. In that moment, the full weight of the new school, new teacher, new friends hit her and she looked at me with eyes full of tears and whispered, "Don't go!"

My own eyes pricked with tears as her anxieties became mine, but when she saw my tears she scowled her "Really, Mom?" scowl and we both sort of pulled it together, but not before her sweet teacher saw us both, teary eyed and nervous. She smiled and said hello, but didn't make a big deal, when I just whispered, "Transitions are hard for her." For us. 

She smiled again and said, "How about we talk about a home visit after school? That will help us all get to know each other." I nodded and she turned to the next student, a giant lump rising in my throat. Omigawd, my kid's teacher is my new best friend!

My girl nervously scowled in line and I tried not to tell her to "smile, be friendly, people will want to be your friend if you SMILE!!", because no one wants to be that mom.

A classmate tried to introduce herself, but my girl just scowled and fought back tears, begging me not to go when I told her I would need to leave her at the classroom door, refusing to engage with the sweet, friendly girl in front of her.

She walked into the room, searched for her seat and looked woefully at me when she realized she was sitting with all boys. This morning over breakfast, when she was still chatty and optimistic she had said, "I really hope I don't have to sit with all boys. In first grade everyone at my table was a boy!" I assured her that certainly wouldn't happen, and even if it did, were boys all that bad? (Yes.)

I smiled reassuringly, waved and moved out of her line of sight. Watching for a few minutes as she surveyed her classroom, classmates, teacher. She took a deep breath and watched silently as a girl walked and sat in the remaining seat at their table. Wheew. Not all boys. She still looked pretty miserable, but it was fading ever so slightly, so I turned and walked back to my car, trying not to feel as miserable as she looked.

As I walked to my car, I mulled over every worry I have for my girl and all the things I could do to micromanage the situation. Will she allow herself to make friends? Should I invite her class for a park playdate? Will she retreat into her scowly, sarcastic self-defense mode? What can I do to make her more outgoing? Will kids write her off on the first day because she is scared? Will she feel behind in her studies? Is she behind in her studies? Should I volunteer in her classroom every single day so I can give her extra help if she needs it? Will she be alone at lunch or recess? What if she hates it? What if she never makes friends? What if.....?

I could list out my fears for my kids for days. Months, probably. When I reached my car and turned the ignition The Beatles "Let It Be" was on the radio. I took a deep breath and thought about the prayer my girls and I prayed on the way to school this morning.

We prayed for bravery and new friends. For kind and loving teachers (thank you God for that early answered prayer!). For confidence and wisdom. For the humility to learn and be taught new things. For the courage to make new friends and always be kind to loving to our peers. We prayed a lot about being brave and letting the day...the school year unfold as God wants it to.

We prayed to Let It Be.

God reminded me through a bunch of shaggy haired singers that He has this whole situation handled and I should let it be, man. So, I sighed, sniffled up my own tears and decided to Let It Be.

(But I'm still counting the minutes until her 2:00 pick up time! 61, if you are wondering...)

The Adventure Starts Here

This week we readied Lily for her first trip to summer camp. Alone. (!!)

This morning we dropped her off at the bus. There were tears all around, but she put on a very brave face (and so did daddy and I. Ok, maybe not me.) and with the help of a sweet friend she recognized from school (but didn't actually know until today) they got on the bus together to start their adventure. My momma heart is nervous, but Daddy prayed with her before leaving, we wrote her lots of mail and gave her two verses to hold close to her heart this week. She is set. I think we are, too. It's hard sending your baby off on her own.

Last month we went to visit the camp to give Lily some familiarity with where she would be spending a few days without us. A visit to the camp would surely help us her feel less jitters about going to camp so far away without us. Really, it was for our peace of mind, not hers. She was fine about the whole thing, but we told ourselves that it was all for her.

Visiting the camp did give us a chance to meet the staff and hear more about the planned activities, like the Polar Bear Swim ("Mom! I LOVE jumping into freezing cold water! I am TOTALLY going to earn that patch!"), the arts and crafts and the unit cookouts. She was disappointed to learn that she is not quite old enough for the archery lessons, so no channeling her inner Merida this year. It does give her something to look forward to next year, though.

I never went to Girl Scout camp in California, I was a Girl Scout in Missouri, so I was not familiar with the camps here. I can vividly remember my camp experiences at Camp Cederledge and Camp Fiddlecreek with my troop: Pulling musty mattresses down to lay out our sleeping bags, decorating pillowcases for everyone to sign (note to self: get lily a pillowcase and sharpies), the terrifying ropes course where we felt like we were flying (and dying), helping out as older girls at Daisy and Brownie day camps. It was all so much fun.

Now that I am a leader and know how much stinking work it is to be a Girl Scout leader, I am super appreciative of my leaders and all the things they did to give us such great experiences. Especially considering we were in junior high and the last time I checked junior high girls are frequently less than pleasant to be around. I shudder to remember the drama I helped cause at various Girl Scout camps (Mrs. Hetz, I am so sorry)!

Potential drama aside, I am so excited for Lily to get to go to camp and the amazing adventures that await her there. Horses and swimming, crafts and campfires,  songs and friends and so so much more. I can't wait to hear all about it on Monday!

New Kid in Town

In January I got to take maternity photos of my friend Jamie and a couple family photos with her husband and son before the arrival of their little girl. Keaton was born just a few weeks after the maternity session (yes, be jealous of that tiny tummy!). We had a lovely follow up session when little K was just a week or so old with the new complete family.

Only a few days old here and little K has the wisest eyes. I really loved watching her take it all in, this new world she inhabits. Such a sweetie. Congrats Jamie and Ryder on your sweet, complete family!

Friday Night Book Club - April Pick

Our book club met for the second time on Friday night, to discuss The Book Thief and decide on the next book we read. I know I said I would post the options here, so even those from afar who want to participate could put their two cents in, but I just could not get my ish together last week to make it happen. I know I also said that I would post questions each week on The Book Thief, but again, my ish. Not together.

Also, I read the book in two days and going back and making questions each week left me freaking out that I would accidentally give off spoilers. So, instead, I will from now on post discussion stuff for those who want to, once a month after book club meets, so that I don't have to frantically look through the book to ensure I didn't mention something from chapter 3 when I should only be talking about chapter 2. These things keep me up at night. I can't get any less sleep than I already do, people.

So. We got together. We chatted. We ate German food inspired by the book - Kelly's amazing pea soup and Jamie's homemade bread and Jen's beer steamed bratwurst and Nina's sangria. Ok, maybe that last one wasn't traditional German food, but it was delish. Once we got the oh, so important business of eating out of the way, and I talked myself into getting up and leading the discussion, we had a great time chatting about what we liked and didn't like about the book.

We all pretty much decided that it was a good book, great even, but no one wanted to read it again. It was just too dark and heavy and the funny bits just didn't overcome the tragedies. We discussed our favorite characters, lots of votes for Hans and Rudy. I personally loved Rosa. Sure, she was a bit...prickly, but as soon as Max arrived and she wholeheartedly rallied for him, I loved her. Plus, she was smart enough to choose Hans, right? I mean, how awful could someone who landed him really be?

I loved Max's stories and drawings. I loved the process of painting over Hitler's awful book to create something meaningful and lovely for Leisel. It made me want to make a book like that. Without having to come in contact with Hitler's insanity, of course. I wish I had the forethought to make some books to bring to the meeting, but we have already established where my ish is (say it with me - not together).

After we talked about The Book Thief, we decided to read Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell. It's about two high school outcasts who find that they have more in common than they think and fall in love. It's sweet and sad and wonderful and, oh yeah, I read it in one day. I think everyone will love it and if not, they will certainly have strong opinions about it. I can't wait to meet in April and talk about it!

I found this adorable wallpaper based on the books cover on a blog that I am pretty sure I am going to become obsessed with, Novel Sounds. It is a blog that matches books with music. Yes. Please. If you are interested in reading along with us this month you can feel free to use the carousel below to buy the book or any others that strike your fancy. I do get a teensy, tiny commission on your purchases, so if you do choose to support my habit, I thank you!

The Book Thief, Week 1

To catch you up super quickly, we met last Friday night for Book Club, fun was had by all (or everyone is an amazing actor), we decided to read The Book Thief by Markus Zuzak, and for those who don't want to or can't come to actual book clubby meetings, they could follow along while I talk about it here.

I broke up the book into roughly four parts, but I have already read more than half the book since last night the whole darn thing since Thursday. Officially, we are only reading through Part Two, so if you are following along, I won't be giving anything away past Part Two. Though, you will notice the narrator gives us plenty of glimpses of what is coming ahead anyway, so I can't imagine I'm going to give away much. 

Please, if you are reading along or have read the book already, shoot me a comment with your thoughts thus far. I will get a little pretentious book clubby with some of my questions. Just a fair warning. I'm not, like, trying to be pretentious, it's just an unfortunate by-product of book club questions and their lingo. I may also throw in some questions that I come across that are (in my mind) so pretentious I don't even get them. You know for laughs. Though I am sure you all will get them just fine and I'll look stupid. So basically, it will all even out.

When I use a quote, I will put the page number, but the numbering may be off since everyone has different books, kindles, etc. Hopefully, it will still be relatively easy to figure out where I am in the book when I quote something. I'll make some obsevations, but when I list a question, I'll answer it in the comments section as a part of the discussion, rather than in the post. 

Well, now, where was I? Oh right. Potentially pretentious book club discussion. Here goes nothin'.

The Book Thief, Parts One and Two

A couple of things jumped out at me. First, was the use of color as descriptors. Do you have a favorite? Mine is when the narrator describes the sky over the battlefields of The Great War as being milky white and spreading over everything.

Second is how the narrator (Death) describes gathering souls. Did you notice any in particular and what were your thoughts about how Death describes that process?

"I walked in, loosened his soul, and carried it gently away" pg 11 

"It was exactly when I knelt down and extracted his soul, holding it limply in my swollen arms. He warmed up soon after, but when I picked him up originally, the boy’s spirit was soft and cold, like ice cream. He started melting in my arms. Then warming up completely. Healing." pg 17

Death tells us he made numerous mistakes when it comes to Liesel, saying,

 "Mistakes, mistakes, it’s all I seem capable of at times. For two days, I went about my business. I traveled the globe as always, handing souls to the conveyor belt of eternity. I watched them trundle passively on. Several times, I warned myself that I should keep a good distance from the burial of Liesel Meminger’s brother. I did not heed my advice.
From miles away, as I approached, I could already see the small group of humans standing frigidly among the wasteland of snow. The cemetery welcomed me like a friend, and soon, I was with them. I bowed my head." pg 18 

Why do you think he felt so drawn to the funeral and why do you think he felt it was a mistake to go?

What were your impressions of Hans and Rosa when you first "met" them vs by the end of Part Two?

Who is your favorite character so far and why?

The last sentence of Part Two:

"Beneath her shirt, a book was eating her up."

Why do you think Liesel is so drawn to books that she feels compelled to steal them when necessary?

OK! That is it for this week! I'm also curious how many people read through the whole thing already? It was such a quick read. I'm finding myself already drawn in to read it again. I can tell it is going to be one of those books where I notice more and more with each read through.

Friday Night Book Club - The Book Thief

It's official, we have a book club. Friday night rolled around and I nervously waited to see if anyone other than my best friends would show up to book club. Fifteen amazing women came to my house and put themselves to the mercies of my crazy ideas. It was fabulous. We laughed and talked and played a goofy game that I made up and ate gelato and drank wine. Yes. MY book club has gelato and wine. If getting to read juicy YA novels wasn't enough, we have gelato, people.

Not to rub in chocolaty Italian desserts to those who can't make it to our meetings, I'm sure it will be just as fun to follow along as we read here on the blog. I can't say that my writing is nearly as delicious as gelato and wine, but I'll try. At the first meeting it was decided that we would read The Book Thief. Outsiders got one vote (poor Ponyboy!) and Thirteen Reasons Why didn't get enough votes to overwhelm the The Book Thief contingency.

For those of you following along, I will do a small summary/discussion each Friday. We will divide the book into four parts.

Week 1 - Prolougue through Part Two
Week 2 - Part Three through Part Five
Week 3 - Part Six though Part Eight
Week 4 - Part Nine through The Handover Man

That is just the order of how we will go through the book here on the blog, if you are like me, you will read the whole book in one sitting, anyway. I read the first page and had to tear myself away; I can tell it's going to pull me right in and not let go and it's midnight.

Ain't nobody got time to stay up all might reading, so I'll get my start tomorrow. Besides, these late night Olympics aren't going to watch themselves. I can only stay up so late, people and people with a death wish luging (Or is it lugeing? Sledding. They are all uber-sledding. Let's call a spade a spade, k?) at a million miles an hour wins.

You can click the link below to purchase a hard copy of the book or a kindle copy from Amazon. I do receive a small amount of money when you purchase from the Amazon carousel and you would receive high fives from my husband for saving him some money on my book habit.

Downton Abbey Season 4, Episode 4

It's Saturday and I am just now getting to writing about last week's episode. I am so off my game right now, people. Of course, it is all because of my issues with time management, but I am going to blame this season's writers instead. Because that is easier and who wants to admit that they suck at making time for stuff? Actually, the real travesty is that this was the best episode this season in terms of story and character development, so of all episodes to rant and rave over, this was the one, right?

STOP MOANING, EDITH - Well, vintage Mary is back sniping at her sisters every word. When she made the first snide remark, I nearly choked on my ice cream. I thought that Mary was gone, but, no, as the episode moved on she rolled her eyes, snipped and sighed whenever Lady Edith dared speak - or even breathe - in her presence. Funny though it was, after the third or fourth time I started to fear that we were reverting to their old, ridiculous sibling rivalry. Since we saw Edith slink alone into a London doctors office, I suspect she is going to be moaning about quite a lot in the coming weeks. 

DON'T GO, TOM! - So uncomfortable with his new life, Tom begins talking about making changes. I sit up straighter in my chair expecting to hear him say he is interested in politics again but am quickly disappointed to hear him talking about going to America. America? Really? The fact that he even says this is laughable because he has a job he likes and family to support him in raising his daughter. He and Mary seem to really be becoming friends and he even has a friendly understanding with Carson and Hughes downstairs. Tom Branson may not have see Far and Away, but I have. Ask Nicole and Tom about how 'Murrica works out for Irish immigrants, let alone Irish immigrants with kids. STAY PUT, dude. 

THEY KISSED AND MADE UP! - And I tried not to jump up and down for joy! Mrs. Hughes did what she shudl have done in the beginning and told Bates what happened, Bates and Anna made up and everything is finally ALL RIGHT.

EXCEPT IT'S NOT - Everything is NOT alright and Bates makes sure we know it. It is FAR from ALRIGHT and he will not let it rest. Bates has revenge in his eyes and at the end of this episode I have anger in my heart. 

Here is why:

In the first two and half seasons of Downton Abbey, the characters and their lives were glamorous, exciting,and heartbreaking. Using the tragedy and pain of the Titanic and World War I as a backdrop, the Crawleys navigated the changing world mostly with grace and class. Lady Sybil challenged how the family thought of women and class, Matthew helped the family recognized they had souls. Without them, Lady Cora is left to holding up the nice person fort and she just isn't up to the task, I am afraid. 

The problem with the show for me now is that so much of Downton Abbey's stories rely on the changing times. No doubt the 20s brought sweeping changes to England, but for whatever reason we just aren't seeing them. It was the Jazz Age, after all, and all we have gotten has been teaser episodes with Rose that are uninteresting and kind of vapid. Rose, I am guessing is supposed to inject some youth that Sybil took with her when she died, but she's more Miley Cyrus than Fellowes probably counted on. 

I'm mostly annoyed because it really feels like all my favorite characters are regressing or becoming something they never were or should be. Mary is back to being a biatch to her sister, Edith is back to being mopey and tragic, Bates is becoming vengeful and angry, Robert is grasping to keep power over an estate he never really cared for, Tom has not only lost his revolutionary streak, but is on the verge of giving up entirely and Thomas, without a worthy adversary or partner is crime is left to fester and be the jackass we all know he is. 

It all leaves me disappointed and bummed out and yet completely unable to cut the cord on this show. 

Sidenote: Isobel + Granny = TOTAL WIN. These two are comedy GOLD. I cannot wait until Lady Cora's mother comes back because OH MY GOSH THOSE THREE. 

Julian. DO NOT LET ME DOWN.